Freed From Pills & Pain

I was asked to write my story to help inspire others. I want to warn you - there are parts of my story that aren’t for the youngins. I hope this story helps you through your journey of addiction because it is all true.

First thing, I want to let you know a person can change. My addiction journey started when I was three years old. I was diagnosed with chronic pancreatitis. Along with pancreatitis came diabetes six years later. I would need four to six shots a day for the rest of my life. I was in and out of Lebonheur Children’s Hospital every month, sometimes 2 to 3 times a month until I was 17. In 2nd grade, I missed 22 days straight due to my illness.

It was a painful illness - the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. The only thing that helped the pain was narcotic pain meds. I’ve been on every narcotic pill and IV drug you can think of. At 12 years old, I could identify pain pills just by looking at them. I still remember my first experience with dilaudid was at 12 years of age. At that time, it was the only thing to help my pain. At the age of 14 is when I started smoking weed and drinking on top of taking pain pills. My mom and dad had gotten a divorce and my grandmother had died.

When my mom and dad divorced, I moved with my mom and was living it up. She let me do anything I wanted: drink, smoke weed, even take pills. One night, we had a party and she had fixed me a drink. I remember I was so drunk. She let her boyfriend at the time have sex with me and her at the same time. I was 14 - I knew better right?? Wrong … for a long time, though, this was my way of thinking. I blamed myself for that night. Later I found out it wasn’t, and still isn’t, my fault. I was just trying to fit in, to feel loved and wanted.

That’s when my addiction to men and sex started. So here I am 14 years old in 9th grade, having sex, drinking, and smoking weed. All the while battling pancreatitis. I found out I could get anything I wanted from men. Anything at all. All I had to do was show them a little attention, and they show me some attention, and BAM like magic all I wanted appeared. Hey not so bad right?? Wrong again.

So here I go spiraling out of control. I’m thinking life is good. I get anything I want. These men love me. They want me. They are showing me attention. And look at all this stuff they are giving me!

My mom has met another man. I am 16. She chooses him over me and I move in with a much older man. I convince him to have sex with me. Mind you, I’m still in and out of the hospital battling pancreatitis. I have quit smoking weed but am still drinking since this man is buying it for me. I’m 17 now.

The stomach doctor in Memphis, TN found a doctor in Minneapolis, MN that would remove my pancreas and cure me of the chronic pancreatitis so that I would be pain free. At this time, my mom has a 9-month old baby boy so she signs all rights over to this man I’m living with because she doesn’t want to fly with my little brother even though my insurance company is paying for everything. I get to Minnesota and have my operation. The surgery lasted 12 ½ hours; I died three times due to loss of blood. They removed my pancreas, gallbladder, spleen, appendix, and six inches of my intestines.

I was there 29 days and on a lot of pain meds. By this time, I was not taking my pain meds as prescribed. I found out the more I took, the more numb I would become. Y'all know what I mean. I wanted to not feel. Not feel the pain and the hurt mentally. All the stuff I had been through. I didn’t want to feel anything but high.

When I returned home, I went to my stomach doctor in Memphis, TN and told him that I was addicted to the pain meds and I wanted to get off of them. Little did I know, no clinic would help me because I was under the age of 18. So I go further and further in addiction.

I was doctor shopping and buying pain pills wherever I could get them. I got my first felony when I was 20 years old for Tenncare fraud due to doctor shopping. I tried committing suicide. The man I was living with at the time took my hand in marriage. He knew what kind of person I was, but he loved me right? All I wanted was to be loved and wanted by someone. And he did. I was stealing, lying, cheating, drinking, and taking pills, but he still put up with me. Eleven months to the date we got married, we divorced. I caused the divorce. A man’s wife caught us in the act. And in return, my husband and I divorced. He was fed up with my actions. Who could blame him really. That’s what I wanted. I pushed him away.

I tried committing suicide again. Multiple times to be honest. I was trying to end the pain. At that time, all I cared about was getting high. I wanted my life to end. I wasn’t worried about how much I hurt him or the ones around me. It was all about chasing that next high. It didn’t take me long to move in with another man, who drank also. It was later on that year, he had another woman over and was ignoring me. Yes, we had been drinking and I thought - how dare him, I’ll show him! So I got into my car with three-quarters a bottle of gin gone and I take off. I get one minute down the road flying, at least seventy miles an hour, and lost control. My car started flipping. It flipped at least three times. Me with no seat belt on radio blaring. Yeah I really showed him didn’t I? WRONG!! I walked away without a scratch and a failure to maintain vehicle and not wearing seat belt ticket.

At the time, I was on probation for the Tenncare fraud, so I ran to Louisiana. I had days where I couldn’t get out of bed due to being pill sick. I’ve tried everything except heroin, ecstasy, and acid. Smoked crack the first time with my little brother’s daddy. What a role model huh?? I would leave Louisiana via bus and come to Tennessee to visit my little brother.

In October 2014, I came home for his birthday and met yet another man. I was 23 years old and he was 54. We were together for 4 years. Spent one night at his house and never left. I was still living a life of addiction, taking pills, drinking, and smoking weed. He didn’t know that at the time, but it didn’t take him long to figure it out. In 2015, I got on a meth binge for about five months. I had gotten on it for energy. I was working this job pulling doubles and splits. John wasn’t a dummy. He knew what I was doing, so he made me quit the job.

The following morning, we got into a huge argument. I was coming down and I wanted a fix and he refused to give in to me. I had a full bottle of 1 mg xanax and I acted like I took the whole bottle, so he called the paramedic and the cops came out. Well, I had hidden the bottle of xanax in the same place with my bag of weed. I told the cops I didn’t take all the xanax and he said if I didn’t show him he was taking me to the nut house.

So when I pulled the bottle of pills, out the weed fell out, too. That gave them probable cause to search the house and property. That’s when they found the 3 2-foot-tall marijuana plants, scales, grinder, and pipe. Since it was John’s house, too, he also got charged. The cops impounded his $70,000 Mercedes, Dodge Durango, four-wheelers, 16ft trailer, and the golf cart. He lost the Mercedes for good. He got 4 years on paper and I got 2 years. It was my second felony.

This was December 1, 2016. I was 25 years old with two felonies. I wasn’t on paper one month before I violated. I failed my drug test for xanax, oxycodone, and THC. I went to prison for 9 months. I got out in November. Do you think I learned my lesson? Nope!!

That following March, I received my second violation for failing a drug test for marijuana. I spent 6 months in county jail in isolation. That is the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I found myself in jail. I learned to become comfortable with me. I wanted better for myself than sitting in a jail cell for the rest of my life and I made the decision that I was going to change. I know what you are thinking because I have had the same thoughts. That you aren’t good enough. You’ve always been a failure and you can’t change. Wrong!!

You can change; you just have to want it bad enough. Get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Think positive and positive things will happen. Change your people, places, and things. You have to retrain your brain’s thoughts and get spiritually fit. There is a better life for you out there. I am living proof you can change. I attend a program called the Day Reporting Center. I just received an award for negative consecutive drug screens and passing phase one. Who would have ever thought a drug addict like me getting an award for negative drug screens??

They are giving me the tools to deal with life on life’s terms. Today I can deal with life without the use of drugs or alcohol. I know it’s okay to cry and feel emotion. I have people I can talk to today about my problems instead of harboring those feelings. It isn’t an easy road, but it is doable. Thanks to Judge Allen calling Nathan Young at the Care Center, I got out of jail on August 29, 2018.

I remember Mr. Nathan coming to interview me at the jail. I was so intimidated. I didn’t know what to say, but I knew not to lie to this bear of a man. He told me he was going to give me a chance to gain and earn his trust. And time after time, he would say, “If I have to, I’ll send you back to jail.” And you better know I believed him, too. At that time, I didn’t realize the man in front of me, with the help of God, would turn my life around. All I had to do is put the foot work in and want it.  

The Care Center is an amazing place to be. Mr. Nathan and his wife are faith filled, caring, giving, and have huge hearts.

My experience there was very spiritual and moving. I changed from the inside out.  Mr. Nathan helped me gain my independence. He helped me gain my self-esteem. I learned how to budget. I saved money. And best of all, I got closer to God. I gave out food to people who didn’t have any. I took in donation after donation. I got structure there which was something I desperately needed in my life.  I wish there were more places like this in the world. I really changed my life there and am truly grateful for everything The Young’s have done for me.

I got baptized September 23, 2018. I have been reborn. My soul is cleansed. I have received so many blessings since I have been out of jail. I’ve been putting God first in everything I do and doing the next right thing. Good things come to those who do good. Today is January 24, 2019. I’ve been clean a little over a year. I just turned 28 years old. Life is good today. I just signed a lease on my very first apartment. I have maintained a job over the past five months. I paid a fine off that I’ve owed for 6 years. I just got my driver’s license back. I just buried the man I spent the last 4 years with and I made it through sober. If I got high, guess what - it isn’t going to change the outcome of the situation.

I know today I don’t have to resort back to what I knew, which was getting high every time something bad happened. I have mended some relationships that I damaged in addiction. I’ve met a lot of great people in recovery, too. There are better things out there. I’m happy today. I know my worth today. I love myself today. I’m independent. I’m trustworthy, honest, and I have integrity TODAY! So if you are battling addiction know you can change if you want to. I DID! I have a future today. My name is Angie Foxly and this is my story.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. “

Names have been changed to allow this lady to continue her successful life with joy.  She has given us a gift. She is allowing us to look into her past. We can now rejoice with her and have hope for others.  She is inspiring and we are very proud of her. To God be the Glory!!!